October 30, 2010

I'm not going to pretend that I didn't just turn on my favorite song at 11:59 and rock out into my birthday.
Because that would be a lie.
Also, it was kind of really awesome so I wanted to share.

Reasons I'm not angsty about this birthday:
1. Just because I'm an adult now doesn't mean I grew/have to grow up. Let's face it, that's just not happening.
2. I think I'd like to do the same thing for every birthday. Wait until 11:59, turn on "The Poison", and have a mini-dance party. Remind me I said this when I'm 80.
3. I can actually start doing shit now. Not like "WOAH guyzz look, a cigarette!" more like, "You think I can't make a difference, orly now? Watch me."

I'm excited. I figured it out today (yesterday? the 29th): this year was cosmic bullying. Dude, I just got hazed by the universe for adulthood. And that made it so much more ok. Now I can fight back. With words.

BAM.
L

The Way I Respond To "No".

Step 1: shock
Step 2: shame
Step 3: sadness
Step 4: fury
Step 5: bitterness
Step 6: anger
Step 7: resignation
Step 8: resurgence
Step 9: resistance
Step 10: rebellion
Step 11: reevaluation
Step 12: "Aut via inveniam, aut faciam."

Step 13: I win.


You can make it from 1 to 12 in about half an hour. Allow the passage of years between 12 and 13.
Medicine is out, via Catch-22; my first real life plan got killed sooner than my first real relationship. And that's saying something. 
I think I'll concentrate in philosophy.
Plan A tied up loose ends with grad school and money nicely, so I'll have to sort through more of a mess to figure out how precisely I'm going to transition out of here.

I'll be doing what I've always done. I already miss the chance to do something else. Maybe I'll stay pre-med just because. We'll see.

In the end, it still comes down to me doing something. I don't know what that is yet, but I'll be damned if I don't get there.