DON'T PANIC

DUDE... it's the ultimate Guide reference. That no one gets.
Welcome to my life.
So. Here's a good story.
Since I started pointe up here, I've been having breathing issues. Now, I've never really been able to run or do super intense exercise because I would always start hyperventilating and have to stop. This is nothing new. I just assumed that I had crappy endurance/lung capacity/that it was my own fault. That's why I never really run... ever. Dance never really been a problem, since it's not straight up cardio, just more about holding your muscles properly and pushing your strength/flexibiltiy limits. But I don't need to go into that, it's unnecessary. After I really started ballet, however, I'd run into these situations where I am doing something fast or difficult, and, without realizing it, I start crying. My thought process goes like this: (insert rapid listing off of French ballet steps, counting, ect.) Hey... I'm crying? Why am I crying? That's odd, considering that I'm not overwhelmed/frustrated, which are the actual causes of crying, not sadness. I'm not sad either, though. Oh, wait. I'm not getting oxygen. Whoops. Then I have to go off in a corner and wait until I can catch my breath again, which involves lots of water and more hyperventilating... It looks like I'm about to die, but in reality it's not that bad.
So this has been happening for a few years now, and lately it's gotten worse. Am I afraid for my life? No. I'm fine. But if you know me at all, you'll realize that when I'm prevented from doing something full out, to the best of my ability, I get slightly... annoyed. Especially when it's something I love. So after a particularly bad episode a few weeks ago, with my dance teacher getting extremely worried about me (see, I know I won't collapse, but everyone else seems to think I'm going to faint one of these times; It would be suitably dramatic... but me lying like a road block in the middle of the piece might ruin the flow of the dance) we scheduled an appointment with my doctor, which was last Tuesday.
I had some tests done, including this extremely awesome echocardiogram (sp?) where I could see my heart (because I love that kind of crap). In fact, my doctor doesn't think there's anything medically wrong with me... I'm supposed to be wheezing and coughing if I have athsma, apparently. Now, this is the good part of the story; the whole preceding rant was just an introduction to the diagnosis. I, my doctor believes, am having panic attacks.
Probably because I'm such a delicate and skittish person.
In fact, when I am dancing and realize, that, naturally, I'm short of breath, I panic. And stop breathing, because that is a very logical and practical approach to handling the situation. Perhaps I also do things like throw newspaper into fires I'm supposed to be putting out. Or, maybe, if someone is trying to drown me, I solve the problem by inhaling the surrounding water.
My treatment: a book that will teach me various relaxation techniques.
And you know what, if this works, I will be absolutely thrilled. If this helps, I want to be having panic attacs because then they. Will. STOP.
Just, in the future, don't startle me; I might panic and try to strangle myself.

L

When I grow up, I want to be

Andy Rooney. Don't ask, just think about it... it makes sense to me =D
Allow me the space for one quote: "Notice I'm using 'himself or herself' so people don't accuse me of being sexist. I am sexist, I just don't want to be accused of it." Classic. I want his job. A lot.

The Sox, as far as I know, are currently ahead by one. After this, I'm going to go watch, and finish my homework. Or try. I'm just giving up on my Precalc for the night... because I don't have time to try XD I could have done it instead of decorating a Halloween gingerbread house (pics to come?) but I didn't want to. Oh well.

I don't think I've ever posted two days in a row. Wow.

See, maybe, when I'm Andy Rooney, I can actually comment on crazy weird stuff like Tim Burton gingerbread houses and how ridiculously ridiculous the Red Sox are.
AND I can rant on about other people's grammar mistakes.
Or talk about how the world should write all memos in outline format.
Or both!

I wonder what my guidance counselor would say if I told her that I want to major in the last 5 minutes of 60 Minutes. Normally, I have a lot of conversations with adults that go like this:
THEM: Oh, you're a junior? Since I forget what it was like to be a teenager and have nothing else to talk about, I'll make polite conversation about colleges, because I'm sure you love telling every person you meet about your personal goals and plans for your future. So, what are your interests? What do you want to major in?
ME: Thank you so much for your genuine interest in my future! However, since I'm not even 16 yet, I'm not entirely sure about what I would like to do for the next few decades of my life. If I were, though, I would gladly tell you, so you could give your opinion about things that don't concern you in any way.
THEM: You're not sure yet?
ME: Nope.
THEM: Oh. I think I'll pause for a moment to indicate disapproval. You, obviously, are either mentally handicapped, unmotivated, or an up-in-coming criminal/addict, and you should really have decided these matters a number of years ago. But, that's alright, since you can always decide what you want to do after you start college... I suppose.

Naturally, I exaggerate. Many of the adults I talk to actually do agree with me on this matter XD But for the ones that don't, if I use the Andy Rooney Theorem (that's what I'm calling it now), I may get something like this:
THEM: Oh, you're a junior? Since I forget what it was like to be a teenager and have nothing else to talk about, I'll make polite conversation about colleges, because I'm sure you love telling every person you meet about your personal goals and plans for your future. So, what are your interests? What do you want to major in?
ME: Thank you so much for your genuine interest in my future! In fact, I would like to be Andy Rooney, so I'm looking at colleges that will allow me to pursue this lifelong dream.
THEM: I'll pause for a moment out of disbelief/confusion. Perhaps I'll laugh skeptically. Andy Rooney? Really? You mean, you'd like to be a reporter? Or maybe a journalist?
ME: No. I want to be Andy Rooney. But since I am clearly not Andy Rooney, I would very much like to have his job on 60 Minutes.
THEM: Really? Hmm. I don't know how to react to this, so maybe I'll end this conversation quickly and back away. Well, it was lovely talking with you. Goodbye!
ME: Pleasure to meet you. Please don't speak to me again.

I have high hopes.

L

XP

1. Some day I'll write a blog post completely devoted to the wonders of outlining. I know I've ranted on about it a few times, but I'd like to do it again. Not today, but someday.
2. I lied. See, it just makes it so easy to organize my thoughts. I opened a new post and I said to myself, I think I'll write it as an outline. The funny part is that I don't know what "it" is about yet. Just typing about insignificant things, even if I've talked about them at least a dozen times before, helps me think. The general sloshing of thoughts in my brain stops spinning just a little bit so I can get things typed out... And that's when I write some of my best material.
3. Here we go, something I'd like to talk about. I haven't written all that much lately, at least creatively. It used to be my favorite thing to do... ever... but in these past few years it just hasn't happened. Poetry used to just work for me, and my thoughts used to be so much clearer so I could actually define them well enough to put them to words. It's strange, but ever since I got so in to music four or so years ago, I just don't feel the need to express my emotions in words... because music has already done that for me. As much as I love that, I sort of miss writing.
4. I'm having a lot of ideas tonight. This one just came to me. Since this blog has no specific/useful purpose, I'll use it for creative writing. Now that I've said this, I'm probably never going to do it, but at least I can find evidence of my good intentions, right =)
   
5. Alright. I'll start now. Right this minute. Random poetry straight out of my head. (Note: Almost everything that I blog about comes straight from my mind at that exact moment, no editing involved, so you're gaining an inside look at my thought process. I don't know whether to apologize or congratulate you, but it is what it is.)
6. Poem time. Here goes nothing. Seriously. I have no idea what's coming out, but it's going to come anyways. enjoy.

Blank, blank mind,
vague buzzing of guitars from earbuds like smooth
plastic bees lodged in each ear.
blank like the dark view out of the window, 8:08 PM
the glass mirrors the image of the lamp, but beyond
the shapes of trees are masked, pressed into the black curtain,
sculpted in relief onto the night, in my mind's eye
are they stone, lifeless, until the sun strikes each leaf,
throws the outlines into sight?
maybe the blankness isn't
quite so blank.
so much going on that the surface seems solid and impenetrable,
like tightly woven fabric of threads of thoughts,
maybe a stray thread, snagged up and pulled,
(is the only thing that we can perceive)
gently tugged away from the whole,
slowly unraveling the rest...
and then what happens when the fabric is gone, unraveled, lost to history in the nighttime of the skull?
a very long thread. do with it what you will. Or weave it back up again.

1. Well that was certainly... interesting. Maybe I actually will do this more often. You never know where an outline will go, eh XD?
2. TBS is having technical difficulties, therefore I can't watch the Sox game which started at... 8:07. (it's 8:28 at the moment) I really wish I saw the last few innings of that last game... down by seven in the seventh... They're something else, I know that much. Anyways, I think I'll go old school and tune in on the radio =). This involves leaving the computer, so I must make my farewells and depart.
3. Farewell. I am departing.

L

15th post.

Hey, I'm proud of the accomplishment. Actually, I don't really care that much, but whatever, I'll go with it.
So in light of recent events (including a certain natural disaster) I've been thinking a lot about my future... and where I am right now... and a bunch of other things that I don't even remember because they were that important. I'm not sure if that's even sarcasm or not. At least it's a paradox, which I can deal with. My whole personality is sort of a paradox, which I realized a little while ago. I end up having these tiny revelations about the way this whole life thing works, which I can usually laugh about.

Anyways, one of the major things I've been trying to figure out is why I can't be completely open with people. I swear I've gotten better, and I'm really happy about that, and I'm still working myself up to tell people things that have been weighing on me for up to... (counts) 6-ish years? Yeah, around that. Completely pathetic, I know, but there you go. But I'm close =) And I have made serious progress. Proud of me? =D

Another awesome thing: fluorescent orange duct tape. I made two rings and a belt that I'm wearing right this very second.

Not another awesome thing: I'm slowly getting back into the school mindset, you know, resigning myself to another year of loveliness before I can be myself again. Maybe this year will be better? Who knows. At least I have my spifftastic new belt to wear.

L

hot chocolate and sanity

The one giant post per month method is working for me pretty well, so I think I'll stick with it =) And then I go and catch up on Bill and V's blogs, which also works... I get a general idea at least.
So, let's see, today's topics?
Well, I just finished reading A Separate Peace for school and I actually really liked it. I don't know who else has read it, but there's one character I can relate to more than most of the people I read about. Not so much currently, because my personality just seems to be kind of demented lately, but the actual me - annoying people + stuff I can actually relate to =) He dies, naturally. Because my luck sucks like that.
Also, I made some hot chocolate, maybe 20 minutes ago, and I really liked the little packet it came in. There were directions on it because people are morons and can't find their asses without a road map. But these were just really eloquent for some reason; short, simple, well written, gramatically correct (yay!). On the back there was a little diagram with three pictures, also understandable and to the point. I ended up just standing there for a minute looking at this hot chocolate packet and thanking God that sanity is making a comeback. There's a paradox and irony all wrapped up in that situation. Sometimes it seems that these ridiculous little moments make life a just a little more worthwhile.

For an English paper, we were supposed to write about a game that we played as children. Fully realizing that we've wound up playing more games as teenagers than when we were kids (more happy irony) I deviated a little... Actually, I've wanted to write about my chosen topic for a while; I just never did. I ended up talking to Leesh on Gtalk and in her icon, she was wearing these huge sunglasses eerily similar to the ones she yells at me for wearing. Naturally, I pointed this out to her, and this one memory just zapped into my head and I happily freaked out a little. For those who don't know the epic legend of the Crazy Seagull Lady, tell me. I'll send you a copy. Excellent story, really.

My recital is on Saturday. I'm completely ready, and there will be lots of pictures taken, along with a DVD. If I'm going to be blue for a few hours, it should at least be well documented.

Ah. More news: I've been elected as a junior class officer. I didn't want to run for president again, for various reasons, so I just went for treasurer. (I know I'll always be MP, ergo I have nothing to prove to these people XD) They decided to let us know when we were making our speeches, typically, on the day of. I'd been thinking about what I wanted to say since last year, so I was completely ready to go out there and make a speech off of the outline I had just written on my wrist. Also true to form, I was notified that I would be running unopposed approximately five minutes before I delivered the said speech, taking away any possible joy I could have gotten from winning. The ultra good news is that I get to help run next year's prom. I gave my fellow officers fair warning though, so if I COUGHaccidentally sabotage it, they have only themselves to blame.

I have a lot more to say, but I'm probably going to save it for another random post. I might actually remember what I wanted to tell all of you then.
L

02148, Take II

Vacation rocks. School sucks. Happy thought for the day: Only six weeks left starting Monday. Six is a number I might be able to deal with. I hope.
Malden was... Malden. It was cool to go back and just see how everyone's doing. The Sullys and Brit were pretty much the same. Same inability to follow through with plans, eh Bill =P? But it's just cool that we all click in pretty much the same way as we always did. I don't really talk to them that often, but when we manage to get together they still know me better than anyone in NH. Sort of sad. Outside that trio, some stuff was a little rocky... But the same, pretty much. No big changes. Not fundamental, at least. Everyone's the exact same as they always were, just some stuff that was kind of hidden before is more out in the open, and the reverse too. I've also received cofirmation that I haven't really changed that much, which is what I've thought all along =)
It was really crazy, but I always have a few minor revelations when I go back down, and I had sort of a big one when I was driving back up. I kind of realized how incredibly different NH is from Malden. I can say this all I want up here and no one really believes me, but you don't even realize how completely nuts 100 miles' distance makes things. Peoples' entire views on LIFE are nothing alike. And considering that I hang out with generally good groups of people in both places, I actually kind of got to measure how sheltered these kids are. Honestly, you're exposed to so much when you live in a city that it's really not a big deal, just an accepted part of life. Up here, parents spaz over everything. Literally. The general mindset is that high school kids should be in a PG environment 24/7 so that they'll be good people. But then there's me and my friends who've seen some of humanity's worst aspects and we're doing alright. Outside the inner circle in the larger group things aren't going as well... Still, anyone in Malden is ten times as honest as any loser honor student at Brady who still flinches when the see someone get flipped off. It's not fake down there. It's amazingly annoying how no one can be straight up around here and how no one wants to be. And then there's me trying to keep it real =) That's what I miss.
And paved roads with sidewalks are pretty nice too.

Three more short revelations:

1. I always forget that it never gets truly dark in Malden. I miss that sometimes.
2. Referring to one of my older posts, I'm actually not that 'intense'. I'm just being who I am. And I am who I am because I grew up in a different place around different people. Gah. Hypocritical white NH people. We should really take a field trip just a little south...
3. I feel incredibly bad for anyone from my school who's going away to a city for college. That'll be fun.
4. Four, I lied. People pronounce all their consonants up here and always speak in complete sentences. (i.e. just say 'consonants'. When I say it, it sounds like 'consonence'. The 't's just don't make it in...) In writing, that's great. Otherwise, it pisses me off.

It takes forever for me to put my thoughts into writing, and I still didn't nail what I was trying to say. I hate it when that happens. When I get a serious chunk of time, I'm revising everything and writing a narrative. Love those.

I'll shut up now.

L

new solitaire record:

87 seconds.

Just thought you'd like to know.

L

LUMBERJACK!

Here's an image for you: Me sitting on a snowmobile trailer with five adults chucking wood at me to stack. This was yersterday =D I really do think I have a talent for this wood stacking thing. My mom's grandfather was supposed to have been a logger up in Canada, so maybe it's in my blood...

Watched a fairly awesome movie the other day, too. Netflix just recommends them for us, and they turn out to be really good. It was called Rory O'Shea Was Here or something close to that; this guy in his early 20's (Michael? I think his name was Michael) has cerebal palsy and he's living in some kind of a home when this punk guy Rory with MD comes in. Michael's speech is really slurred so everyone's shocked to find out that Rory can understand him... And they pretty much go rock the world =) Cool flick overall.

Nothing much new other than that. Double Theology today was... great. As usual. Especially since my friend who I always talk to during Theo didn't show up. 90 min of theology first thing in the moring just isn't something you need to go through alone. My teacher let us "meditate" (sleep) for the last 20 min. of class though, which is pretty awesome. And his wife baked us cookies. Double with the Colonel has it's highlights, I must admit.

My dance recital is May 31... Which is soon. So everyone's spazzing a little, but we're working everything out. Did I mention that I'm going to be painted blue? We're doing our own version of the Disney Aladdin, and I'm the tap dancing Genie =) It's infinitely more fun than it sounds.
(Phenomenal cosmic power, itty bitty living space.)

Erm, starting Pre Calc in Algebra. Yay. Ate some cake a little while ago, which is always good. We're supposed to hit 60 degrees tomorrow and a lot of the snow is melted. Also good. And I have an essay to write before I get up at 5:30 for another marvelous day. Craptastic.

Fourth quarter, wish me luck.

L

If you can't do the time, don't do the crime. Or something like that.

Yo.
Right. Blog. About that.
Hey, everyone started out with pretty low expectations for this thing, so I've disappointed no one.
It's crazy, there's so many things that I should be doing or want to do or have to do, and when I actually get some free time (Time? Free? No comprende XD) I don't want to do anything. I've also discovered that I enjoy sitting or standing still for long periods of time staring at nothing, or something shiny. And when I do small repetitive movements, e.g. I don't know, stirring a cup of hot chocolate, it's like hypnotically soothing. I just keep doing it. And doing it. And doing it. And then I stop because one of my parents walks into the room and they don't need any more evidence that I may be slightly insane. I've gotten around to reading a lot more, actually re-reading, which is good for me.. and bad for anyone who expects me to be doing something productive.
Let's see... What's new? I still don't have those pointe shoes I want. Had a snow day Friday though. And school's going to start 15 min. earlier to make up for the said snow days. Pfft. Like anyone needs more sleep. I definitely don't know anyone who really counts on the sleep those accumulated minutes provides. Bah. Oh yes, and I served my first detention... Thursday? Yeah, Thurs. It wasn't even for anything good... I mean, I could have spray painted obscene words on the chalkboards, or at least saran wrapped some of the toilets or something. But what did I do, you ask? Erm, not much. I was late too many times, which is my ride's fault, actually. So 45 min. of someone else's punishment XD Detention's kind of fun though. You just chill. Read. Do homework, whatever. Maybe I'll bust out the spraypaint and land myself a month or so. I'm a badass, I know.
Whenever I go online, no one's there, which is strange. I need to know what going on down south where there's no snow, you know? Ah, a rhyme. And look at the time! It's quite sublime.
I'll stop now.

L

One ___ to rule them all...

You know, I actually have nothing meaningful to post, so get ready for useless trivial crap.

Ate some white chocolate Lindt truffles. Two, actually, and they were pretty darn tasty. My dad always puts them in the freezer though, so they're wicked cold and I like them kind of melty =P

Vacation is this week, which pretty much rocks. I have some plans with friends in a few days, and in the meanwhile I'm going to be doing... Nothing. Absolutely blissful nothing. Then I'm stuck going up to Vermont next weekend, but only for two days. At least it gives me a chance to catch up on some reading.

And I downloaded some new music; The Sufferer and the Witness, Rise Against. I actually really like it, too. Usually I buy a cd and there are only a few really intense (GAH! that word..) songs on there, but this all pretty much loud and very fast. Just the way I like it. What else... A random AFI song, the new 3 Doors Down single, and another Breaking Benjamin song, Breath. Leesh told me it was good, and she was right. Lately, I've been plugged into my ipod more often than not, which worries me a little. I don't want to be completely dependent on a piece of overrated and expensive technology.

I'm going into the realm of dance now, so don't expect to understand much of the following XD About three years ago, I went into a store and I saw a pair of shoes on display. They were red (which was excellent). They were pointe shoes (a.k.a. toe shoes, worn in ballet so that you can actually go up on the tips of your toes, fairly awesome). They had taps on them (I almost died). Ergo, I started ballet, and then pointe the next year, SO I COULD WEAR THOSE SHOES. That's how amazing they are. I don't know how many times I've been dancing around my room to my ipod and wished that I could go up en pointe and then actually tap in them at the same time. And now, my dream may finally be realized. The name: T-Perina by Sansha, size 9, width X, color peach (they don't actually come in red, but I can fix that), price $50.00 with shipping, owner = me. I already edited a pic for color, I'll post it. Awesomeness!

Being a loser rocks.

So Billy and V are having a photoshop contest? I may need to enter, if you'd care to fill me in.

I wrote a lot for having nothing to talk about. Should probably put this energy into the yearbook pages I'm supposed to be doing.

L

You'll never get me alive // 'Cause I'm still here (Kill All Your Friends - MCR)

Things I'm supposed to be doing right now:

1. Writing the two page report due tomorrow (not started yet)
2. Working on one of two yearbook pages due Friday that I can't work on again until Thurs.
   

I'm getting good at this procrastination thing. You're a terrible influence, William.

So, let's see. I went to a semiformal last night, and we all know how that went... A friend of mine who transferred last year slept over Friday night and we hung out Saturday, which was pretty cool. And then the dance itself. I can divide it into three parts. For the first hour or so, I sat around wondering when they would play some real music, periodically getting up to stand on the dance floor and sit back down. Thouroughly examined all the items in my purse. For the second hour, I was actually starting to get sort of angry, so I figured out how I would burn the school down. (The semi was in the gym. There were these candles and fake branches on the tables, so I could have lit a gum wrapper, lit the branches, lit someone's bag that had perfume in it, that would explode, the streamers and tablecloths would catch, and I could roast marshmellows and make smores.) And then they put some Aerosmith on, followed by a happy succession of Paramore, Fall Out Boy, and some pretty sick techno, and I was so relieved that I had something to listen to that I danced for the entire third hour. Since my idea of a dance would be some combination of a ballet/tap class and an intense mosh pit, I guess it was alright. Not fun, but I didn't kill myself, so that was good.

And *GASP!* someone actually asked me out! (First time since... I was thirteen. I'm way too popular for my own good. Which reminds to shout out to V: your words of wisdom are much appreciated. =) I'll enjoy shaking things up for another two and a half years, eh?) Kind of a funny story. So, on Friday night, someone calls the house, and my mom picks up. No one answers. Then the phone rings again, with the same results. Five more times. We let it ring, machine picks up, no message. Figured the moronic phones weren't working. My state has some minor technology issues, as you may have previously noticed. Don't get me started on the digital cable. So there's nothing after that, then I go to dance (class) in the morning... And when we come home, my dad's ranting about the same occurences, but wait! There's a message. Dad thought it was a girl, but no, it was a guy from my school... Who called again before my friend and I had much of a chance to do anything else. He asked if I would go to the semi with him (which was at this point, eight hours away). Told him I had plans to go with my friends (absolutely true). Sidenote: He is really nice, but I'm not even remotely attracted to him; common interests + chemistry = a resounding goose egg. During the semi two of his friends tried to get me to ask him to dance because he didn't have the guts to come to me. I didn't. But, contrary to popular belief, I'm not a complete jerk so my friends and I pulled him out on the floor for a few fast songs. I left shortly afterward. I think I got to sleep around 1:00, then I got up at 6:45 to go read at church. Did pretty well, so that made me happy.

Not looking forward to tomorrow, both because of the events at the dance and that I have to go to another stinking awards ceremony and I'm missing ballet and jazz. Which sucks. And then there's double theology first thing in the morning. But I'll live... I usually do =D I can't possibly die of boredom, anyways, I have way too much fun when there's nothing to do. I've really wanted to add onto TTM and the rest of the NLC for ages, maybe I'll finally get around to it. I was inspired by this Three Stooges episode I saw a while ago. Pretty awesome stuff. You'll love it. And there's a few notable birthdays coming up that we may just have to celebrate.

You know how what language you think in indicates your main language? Like, if someone grew up speaking both Spanish and English, they could see which was more dominant by figuring out what language their thoughts were in. Well, the other day, I had a thought in Latin o_O Our teacher asked us (rhetorically) if we were ready for the quiz we were about to take. The thought that popped through my head: semper (always). Minus the English translation. It was extremely cool in a creepy kind of way.

And that's pretty much it unless I think of something else to write =)

L

Life, the Universe, Ect.

I have confronted the fact that I am, probably, the world's worst blogger. I have also accepted it as another of my flaws I don't feel like improving and moved on. I do apologize for being lame though. It's just in my nature...

I had a snow day, yesterday, which was kind of nice. So I spent Mardi Gras... how? I can't even remember what I did yesterday. I think I sat on my bed for a while and messed with my ipod, and then sat on the couch for a while and watched TV. I did have dance, though. Tuesdays are kind of fun; I help teach a tap class, then I chill at the studio for another two and a half hours until I have my own tap class. For the last 45 minutes or so my friends and I usually do something stupid like (this week) bowling with two extremely squished clementines and six empty water bottles. Sounds lame, I know, but it was actually pretty fun. Who doesn't like the smell of pulverized citrus fruit?

Somewhere in between everything I have to do through the day, I end up thinking about pretty much everything; life, death, the human mind, the works. Probably too much. Lately, I've been doing some pretty specific self-reflection. (Opinions on the following would be appreciated, even I don't know if what goes on in my head is at all logical.) I've been called 'intense' a lot recently... As in, several times a week/day. E.G. In math class, we were talking about something unimportant, I think it was stuff we had when we were little, and I said something about how I never actually liked dolls. (I mean, really, what's the point? A plastic, disproportionate infant, woohoo...) Immediately, everyone involved in the conversation was like, "Woah, Lauren, you've got some pretty intense anger there" or something to that point. And this happens regularly, mind you. But do I? I absolutely fascinate myself, and as narcissistic as that sounds, it's sort of true. It comes down to me being overly intense or my entire school being incredibly laid back.

Another thought process: On the news, someone's always talking about campaign fundraising, and how Obama has 30 million but Hillary only has 13 and those kinds of riveting topics. What if, *gasp*, they actually put that money toward the causes they claim to work towards? Benefits:

1. It might actually be toward a good cause
2. Good publicity for the candidates
3. They establish the kind of work they would do if they got elected
4. It would set an excellent example for all the billionares sitting on their money for a lack of a better use for it
5. Many of them talk about change while they plod down the same old campaign route

If a candidate put their funds toward something other than advertising that no one pays attention to anyways, they'd get my vote. If only it would happen... Also up for comment.

See, if I ruled the world, I could make so many changes. But, in light of my opinions on society, ruling the world would make me a hypocrite who doesn't deserve to manage so much as a public restroom. Life rocks.

Back.

Forget this, I'll make a new post every time I friggin want to, thank you very much. Now, about that cactus I killed (see sidebar). I've had this cactus for at least seven years, and I always kept it in NH. So, it would only get watered about once a year. It was hanging in there. Anyways, lately, I watered it a little every time the dirt got really dry. So a few days ago I went and gave it water, only I gave it too much. Then it started to fall over a little, so I propped it up with a bobby pin and stuck it on top of the medicine cabinet where it usually is. Two days ago, I took a shower and got ready and everything, and as I walked out I noticed that the cactus turned kind of black. And shriveled up. It's still up there, too. A) because it's not just creepy looking, it's beyond deranged, it's like Poe and Stephen King all rolled into a plant and B) I really liked that cactus and I don't really want to get rid of it.

So that's all about my Marilyn Manson cactus.
MP

So two guys walk into a bar...

It was funny, I just went to edit my profile, and one of the career options was "Chemicals". Which is a pretty cool career, don't get me wrong, it just struck me as funny; there are so many possibilities for really bad drug jokes. I have a horrible sense of humor.

I should probably try not to make a new post every time I think of something to say, eh?
MP YODA

Just venting.

Dammit. I miss everyone so much. No one hears it enough from me, but my friends mean more to me than you would think. Friends, meaning real friends. All but a few of my friends up here are people I hang out with just so that I'm not sitting in a corner bored all the time. Don't know why the hell I'm saying this. Maybe someone drugged me o_O

Yep. That pretty much covers it. Sorry 'bout that =) Going to go work on the NLC.
MP YODA

L and her K-Swiss

I was just checking out V's and Bill's blogs... Crap, you guys, I didn't know you were supposed to write novels on these things =P So, let's see what I can put here. I had my Algebra and Geometry midterms today, which actually weren't horrible. For two giant math tests on the same day, that is. They were almost kind of fun. After I got through with Algebra, I killed Geometry, ate it's heart, and shot the rest of its family. There was this wicked fun proof with a star, and you had to prove that the angles of the points added up to a straight line. Yeah, I enjoy proofs.

Hey, remember the red phone I've had since 8th grade? It's finally dead. Sort of. Either that, or it's coming to life to get revenge on me for dropping it so many times... It kept hanging up on me in the middle of phone conversations. It only really did it to Lia, though, which is pretty amusing. So, I wound up getting a cheap-ish camera phone, which isn't really the point of this whole story. The point is this: I took a picture of one of my K-Swiss and stuck it on the front. Not much of a story, but I find it amusing.

On another note, Literary Magazine is coming along really well. I wound up being the editor this year, which is sort of cool. I can't stand being below people. Someone always ends up making a really horrible layout that I could fix if I had the power. And now I do. So this year's lit. mag. will be absolutely awesome. I suppose I have a control issue, but it's really not a bad thing. I think. We had a poetry contest and got nineteen really great entries, so I'm completely psyched for the rest to start coming in.

I was kind of looking for a place to start writing random commentaries that pop into my head, so I guess I can use this. Less of a blog and more of a place to put a bunch of editorials =)

And there you have it.
MP YODA

Post II

Yeah. Here I am posting. You happy?? =P Midterms this week. Just took Theology and I have English in about 25 min. Joy See ya.

Post I

So. Yeah. I make a blog that I'm probably never going to use instead of fixing the NLC. Be happy.