Salutatorical?

So I'm kind of done with high school.
I need to write my salutatory speech.
I want to make people cry. Actually, I'd rather make them laugh. I don't know what I want them to do. I just want them to do something. They deserve a speech that gets a reaction, and (unjustifiably, probably) I feel like I'm the best chance they have for that.
Here's the question though: what do I say?
Where's the balance between self-indulgence and crowd pleasing? I know I could definitely write a speech that was just me talking, me having my little therapy here's-what-I-have-to-say moment with a microphone. Would it be great for me? Absolutely. But it's not even remotely fair to my class. Plus, I'd look like an idiot.
Another option would be to give them what they want to hear. "You've done great. Relax for a little bit. Enjoy your lives. Have fun at college. Great memories. Go 2010!" Oh, wait. What's that the sound of? Mediocrity and boredom. Two of my favorite things, and two more things that my friends shouldn't have to sit through at their high school graduation.
Third option? Some candid advice. Me saying, "Hey. Here's what I picked up from the last few years. Maybe it will help you." That sounds great to me, honestly. I know, though, that it will come across as didactic and preachy and condescending when I really just mean to emphasize the fact that I care about these people. So option three is out.
I could combine all the above. Or I could just come up with something totally different.
All those in favor of option 4?
Yeah, me too.
L