New Year's Revolution.

Here's the deal.
I'm done living my life on anyone's terms but my own.
I am seventeen years old. It feels bizarre to say that because I have no idea what it feels like to be seventeen; I haven't felt my age in years, but I'm ok with that. It just means that I see more.
I'm going to be eighteen this year.
I am done living my life on everyone else's terms.
There are some things that I need to recognize as solid truths and start living by.

First off, I will control what I do and how I feel. I will never again be stuck in a situation that I hate and not have the means to get out. I believed that everyone has to just shut up and deal with things at some point so that someone else can have a good time. I don't think I believe that anymore. I am sick of wasting my time being miserable when I'm expected to have a good time, and I am sick of being unhappy myself so that I don't ruin anyone else's happiness. I enjoy helping out my friends, but not helping me out in return is no longer acceptable. I will dictate what I enjoy doing, not the people around me, and hating where I am or who I'm with will no longer be something I just "deal with". If I am legitimately unhappy, that is not ok. I deserve the right to do something about it, and I deserve the right to be assertive to get myself the hell out. Think what you want about me. Think that I'm an antisocial asshole. I don't care, and I am done caring.

I don't like being around idiots. I don't like being around people who are close-minded and inconsiderate and either don't know or don't care how repulsive they are. People can't help it if they're legitimately stupid; they annoy me, but I recognize that it's not their fault. When people choose to be idiots, I hate that more. I will not be forced to be around them. I hate their wasted potential and the fact that many people could be so much more than what they are. To those I know: I expect better of you. You expected better of yourself. You disappoint me.

Do not hold me back. My schools have held me back. Teachers have held me back. My family and friends have held me back. Stop. I'm done. I will go as far as I want to go and find my potential and push myself because that's what I do, and you will stand back and watch, and I may leave you behind. You should be proud of me. If you don't hold me back, my loyalty is stronger than you know. I still appreciate my friends who know me and know how my mind works because I never have to dumb myself down for you. As for everyone else, I am done distorting what I've done so you have a better idea of who I am; the two are connected, but my personality doesn't steriotypically match up with my achievements. I am done catering to steriotypes.

I have always based my actions on others' terms. I have always gotten to know people on their own terms. I have always talked to and connected with others on their own terms, and I finally realised that only a minority has noticed that and in turn worked on my terms. I hate selfisness so much that I tolerate it in others rather than myself, but I could eliminate it entirely if I forced my world to meet me in the middle.

That's why I want to go to these colleges. I know precisely the kind of people I want to surround myself with, and I know where they will be. Some of their locations are listed to the right in the sidebar of this blog. I'm honestly not going to stop looking for my perfect environment until I find it. I feel like I've been waiting for this for years and now, finally, it's happening.

So, 2010, these are my new year's resolutions. I know I'll break some of them, because, for some reason, I will always believe that what I see in others--their potential for happiness, their faults, their greatness--should be taken care of before I take care of myself. I know I can survive whatever may happen to me, but I don't know about them, so they will come first. I am done, though, accepting their ignorace and their inattentiveness, and I'll be damned if I just watch while they do stupid things and ignore everying I care about in them. So, if I come across as a little harsh, I may point you back to this post.

Also, I don't think I'm going to read this over fully because it seems really melodramatic and you know how I feel about THAT. (Ergo, ignore sucky grammar).

"Nothing has changed, but now I fight with the words."
Here's to you, 2010. I think we'll get along quite well.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
L