Press "4" for hypocricy.

I was just on facebook and I came across another group that was against pressing "1" for English when calling an automated server or something. I've seen this whole movement before, the one where people complain about how the US is supposedly going to make Spanish the national language in 50 years and how English-speaking people are getting crowded out of the country and how it's just not right that Americans should have to press a button to hear a computer talk to them in their native language.
I thought about this.
I thought about it some more.

I came up with a question.
Why the hell do you give a shit?
Let's think about this for a moment. We speak English, yes. That's been established by the fact that I'm not writing in Swahili. Some people in America don't speak English. As inconvenient as that seems to me, they obviously prefer living with their own native language to putting forth the effort, time, and often a considerable sum of money, to learn the generally accepted vernacular of the country, which they have no legal obligation to do. Until the Senate conducts its meetings in Spanish, I really don't see how this affects us, besides the fact that we now have to strain the minds of the semi-literate who didn't receive the world-class education promised them by the land of the free and can't differentiate between the large English words on signs and the smaller Spanish/French words below them.

My main point is this: you just dialed a 10-digit phone number. You obviously have no physical inability to press telephone buttons. So SHUT UP and press 1. Assuming the problem isn't that you have a great dislike of the "1" key on your cellphone and the act of pressing it, this is probably a symbolic issue. Being asked to take that extra step is the first sign that the foreigners are coming to take over your country. It may be a small symbol, but the root of it will jeopardize your lifestyle as a traditional American citizen. Now, I am thrilled (seriously) that my fellow Americans are taking the time to examine their personal and political philosophies. We always need more thinkers, and everyone should take the time to reason out the causes and effects of today's American and global views. Do you feel threatened by being asked to press "1" for English? You have every right to. Personally, I don't. I feel more threatened by the concepts of capital punishment, apathy towards global poverty, ever-increasing levels of corruption in global and local leadership, bigotry, sexism, racism, prejudice in any form, intolerance, violence in inner-city schools, teen pregnancy, alcoholism, drug addiction, lack of treatment for mental illnesses, the fact that we have a supply of drugs to treat "insufficient (or not enough) eyelashes" but not malaria, technology to turn a B-cup into a D but not to keep explosives off of planes, rape, domestic violence, and global pollution. I would be a hypocrite to say that I am socially active against all of these evils and to call you to do the same. I am, however, aware that these threaten my personal philosophy, these stand in opposition to what I believe in and defy my way of life, that the hugely insufficient list that I just typed out contains problems that are urgent and need solutions now.
These threaten the American way of life.
These make a mockery of every good thing the United States government has done for the world and emphasize all that we've failed to do.
Please, do me a favor. The next time you're annoyed by an impersonal and inanimate voice asking you to press "1" for English, rack your brain to come up with some better things to be annoyed about. If you can't think of anything then, by all means, grab a picket sign and start writing letters. Call your local representatives, too. Let's hope they have live, English-speaking secretaries to take your calls.